2 assumptions that will make you more charasmatic

Though this may seem strange since I’m a professional speaker, I’m a shy guy.

When I was younger I worked to conquer my shyness by studying how to be likable, engaging, and charismatic. I read a bunch of books on social skills and human interaction, watched people who had the ability to draw others in, and asked my charismatic friends how they got to be so likable.

Of course there was all the basic advice: listen, remember names, and smile – but everybody knows that stuff.

As I studied and observed more carefully I realized that there is something unique happening in the minds of charismatic people. The people who are insanely magnetic make two assumptions when they interact with others.

The two assumptions that wildly charismatic people make are:

1) The person I am talking to is insanely cool.
2) I am insanely cool.

The great thing: you can adopt these assumptions yourself to boost your charisma.

Assume that the other person is insanely cool

It’s as simple as that. Go into interactions assuming that the person you’re going to meet is really cool and interesting.

If the person you’re talking to seems boring or unengaged, make a game of discovering the most interesting things about them that you can. Ask about travel, their dream job, love and sex, fears, if any movies or books have ever changed their lives, funny stories, run-ins with the cops, etc.

When you focus your attention on the other person and allow them to highlight the interesting parts of their life and personality, they will feel interesting, important, and cool. This is critical because everyone wants to feel interesting, important, and cool, but rarely do they actually feel that way. By focusing the conversation on the other person and drawing out their engaging attributes you will make them feel amazing. If you can make someone feel this way they will adore you.

Keep in mind that every now and then, people won’t engage. Don’t take this personally. It’s likely that they are having a tough day on Monday but had they met you on Thursday, they would have loved you.

Assume that you yourself are insanely cool

Left to its own accord your inner monologue guides your attention to your flaws, shortcomings, past mistakes, and failures. No one feels cool when their inner monologue is wreaking havoc on their self-image.

Take control back from your inner monologue by focusing on the great parts of yourself. Instead of obsessing over mistakes and shortcomings, think about the times when you cracked a great joke, got lost in the moment, conquered fear, exceeded expectations, and made someone’s day.

Just like you would with someone else, make a game of discovering and focusing on the great parts of yourself. If your inner monologue wants to focus on your negatives, dedicate more time to focusing on your positives. Write out your favorites stories, think about your strengths, and catch yourself being cool. Over time you’ll hijack your inner monologue and turn its focus away from the negatives and onto the positives.

If you can’t find something about yourself to love and admire then your first task is to be kinder to yourself. It can be a hard, cold, brutal world out there. You are way more awesome than you think. To help prove this to yourself, call a friend and admit that your head has gotten way too dark recently and ask them why they like you. Continue proving your awesomeness to yourself by allowing yourself to pursue something that you’ve wanted to do for a while, but haven’t taken action on. Consider taking guitar lessons, rereading your favorite book, joining a rec sports league, signing up for a drawing class, volunteering for the homeless, taking a vacation, or pursuing any other desire that’s been quietly nagging at you.

Test it out in the real world

But you don’t have to take my word for it – test it out in the real world and watch as people begin to react more positively to you.

Next time you’re heading into a social situation, do these two things:

1) Go to a mirror, look yourself in the eye and think, “I’m really ****ing awesome!” with lots of energy and feeling behind your thoughts.  [Note: if you don’t have the mouth of a sailor like I do, it is still 97.96368% as effective without the curse word]

2) As you’re heading over to the event tell yourself, “The people at this event are really awesome.” Think of a few questions or ideas that you’re genuinely interested in that you can bring up to help uncover other people’s coolness.

Your interactions with new people will be more fun and memorable when you make the assumption that you’re a cool guy or gal, and the person you’re talking with is cool too. As you do this you’ll notice that people become more attracted to and captivated by you. No go charm someone!

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